Memories

It's been a while since I wrote, first it was the Yomim Tovim, then work, then life and just trying to survive. Here I am sitting in the parking lot of my office typing on my Black Berry at 5:45 AM. Why you ask. I had to make an early morning run to the city, it's 45 minutes till Shacharis, so I'm going through some emails, when I got a notice about another blog I follow, wrote a post about her husband being in Yeshiva, Rabbi asking the place, and him obviously not knowing. Those things are so clear in my head. Literally De Javo. I feel as if she was writing my blog post. Sitting and day dreaming, every word the Rebbi saying is just a Blur. Counting down the minutes, till the next break, but for what. Break comes, and I'm from the few kids in my class that would not get picked to play in the class game. I had 2 left hands when it came to sports. In the younger grades especially I remember just being bullied sometimes. And there I was waiting for break to be over and class to start again. I couldn't stand being around my classmates. This went on and on until maybe middle school, when I took a new stand someone hits me I hit back, and harder. Until my classmates realized I meant business, I'm not your personal punching bag.

Spending time with family

Rosh Hashonah came and went so fast i`m not sure what happened. I know that`s hard top believe since it was a three day yom tov, but what can I say. I really enjoyed being home with the family, we even had company. The wife made great food, davening I think went pretty OK. I have to say my favorite part was the first night when our company ate out, it was just the wife my three your old and myself, we absolutely loved it. For me there is no better way to spend my time than with the people I love most. I look forward to doing it again. So until the next time Gut Yom Tov.

Long Weekend

It`s been a long weekend which is not really over yet, since I am off from work today because of labor day. We were home for shabbos, which was nice since we were away for so many weeks, but we did eat out all meals, which we had a great time. We dodged Hurricane Earl, which was also cool. Sunday morning came and the wife wanted to start cooking for Rosh Hashonah, So we went to Monsey, did our shopping, came home took the kids out for a nice long walk, while the wife made challah and desserts. When she was done we decided to join the rest of my family in Lakewood for a swim/BBQ party. We all had a great time. On the way back my wife and I were talking about children and so on, I made a comment like I have in the past, that our second child, I only agreed to since she wanted it so badly, my deal was as soon as she finishes school, i`ll agree to it. I made a comment then, and last night that it`s only because I made a promise. The response I got last night was different than all the others. The wife started screaming that I had no right to do that , if I did`nt want than I should have spoken up, why did I not say anything. I look at it the opposite way, I did`nt want now, still wanted to wait, but you wanted so badly, so I was willing to do it. You never objected, and stopped with the birth control. You knew my opinions bud decided that since I agreed it was good enough for you. Why am I all of a sudden so wrong? Anybody else ever have these conversations? 

Hello Kitty Knapsack

I come home from work, and see that my wife had taken the kids to the mall(never a good idea to let them go by themselves), so my daughter shows me her pretty Hello Kitty knapsack she got for school, look Ta, it even comes with a Hello kitty lunch bag, and a Hello Kitty wallet. My wife turns to me and says don`t even ask how much? I asked her you could`nt control her that you had to spend $40.00 on that, it was`nt her, it was the guy in the kiosk that suckered me into it. I was not happy.

The night continued with a Delicious supper made the wife, and then she had a wedding in Monsey. Was very happy for her to go, she was supposed to meet alot of friends that she has not seen in a while. Since I was home myself with the kids I started out by giving the kids baths, putting them in the carriage and going for a 1 and a half hour walk. It was nice, every few minutes the older one(3 years old), got out and wanted to walk, we went to a park for a little bit, but there were way to many fly`s and bugs, so we had to leave. When we got home i was to lazy to walk all the way up to our third floor apartment, so just opted to hang out on the grass outside for a while. Kids had fun, it was nice.

We went upstairs, as soon as we walked in the door, I get a phone call from my wife, she did not sound right, I asked if everything is OK, she said yes, BUT, you can just imagine how fast my heart was beating. So what`s the but? I should not be driving at night by myself, She says, I`m so tired, and can`t keep my eyes opened, she promised to call me if she is to tired to drive home herself, don`t know what I would have done, but I`m sure I would have been able to make some sort of an arrangement.

Now it`s time to start with bed time, so thankfully  the kids were already in PJ`s so that worked out well. The older one went straight to bed. The younger(10 months)felt a little feverish, so gave her some Motrin, a bottle, and put her to bed as well. I sat down to finish up an episode of master chef, continued on to Americas Got Talent, and then was just fiddling around online, when I did a search for something, a certain video came up, which I should not have watched, it`s been a while now since I`ve been into this stuff, and was really proud that I stopped, but my yetzer hora just got to the better of me. I started watching for about two and a half minutes, but thankfully stopped, I shut down the computer went to the other room so I can Daven Mariv, and started cleaning up the apartment.

Thinking about it now, I`ve been so good for so long, I can`t believe I got back into it, especially in Elul. I hope it was a one time thing, and should not have this yetzer hora, again.

Anybody out there battle this battle as well, how do I overcome these tavous?

Overall I think it was a great night for everyone else, except my run in, and my daughter I think went to sleep the happiest of us all, with her Hello Kitty knapsack.

School Shopping

Went home last night after work, and really felt better about this new blog/diary that I started. I so wanted to tell my wife since I tell her just about everything, including that I started saving $ every week for the sole purpose of buying her a present. (I just cant hold any secrets from my wife) I decided for now this is my diary and will hold back from telling, maybe tonight will be different, I don`t know. The kids really behaved well, although the youngest of the 2 had some fever. We decided to do a little school shopping since school is starting at the end of the week, for some reason my wife loves to wait for last minute, when sales are over, or when stores are just out of what we need. We were a bit successful, we got another booster seat for carpool. In a way I am sort of happy that we were not successful, since there really is no money in the bank account for this, but its something we had to do. I am hoping next week will be a bit better financially and we will be able to make the purchases. On our way home from the mall, the kids fell asleep in the car, so we were able to carry them up, and put them straight into bed, I ran out for Mincha/Mariv. to come home to 2 sleeping beauties. The rest of the night the wife and I cleaned up, and had a great night enjoying each others company. Overall I think yesterday turned out to be a great day, and will hopefully carry over to today.

For now that`s all folks.

Why am I so mad?

I was quite bothered this weekend I`m not sure why this particular episode bothered me so much, but here goes. My younger sister just got married last week Sunday night. My aunt from my father`s side took home videos of the wedding, mostly of our family(meaning not my mother`s side, or the choson`s side), She made a copy of the DVD for the Choson and kallah, who watched it, and gave it over to her older sister during sheva brochos to watch. I put in a request to get it next, everyone agreed, we decided that I would get it from them by Shabbos Sheva brochos. Well after Shabbos i ask the older sister for the DVD, and was told that it was given by her husband to my mother, i was so mad. I don`t know why, but it always bothered me, and still does bother me, whenever my mother takes something that belongs in my fathers side of the family, but he has no concept of how these divorced family's work(for the record he does come from a divorced home as well, but there everyone is still talking, and everything is all good, I don't think he knows about any of the garbage by his parents since he didn't care and was able to get spoiled by them, maybe its a good thing, but he has no idea how to keep things separate and that's what makes me more mad than anything). When I asked the Kallah to please get it the next time she is in the house, her response is I`ll try. Why is everyone so scared of my mother? Why does she come before everyone else?

I`m lost maybe others that have gone thru some of the same things can help shed some light as to why this bothers me so much.

First Post

I would not necerserlly call myself a blogger, since this is not my first blog, but my other blogs were either business related, or just family pictures so my parents and siblings can all see be on top of whats going on. I`m not sure myself why I started this blog, I guess i just need some sort of diary where I can write things down. I actually come from a divorced home, and have seen and been part of alot, that i don't want for my children, on the other hand, because I come from a divorced home, I have some very different views than my wife which could make things quite complicated. My parents had 3 kids together, myself and 2 sisters. All of whom remarried, actually we just finished Sheva Brochos for my youngest 2 days ago.

As I am sitting here I have so many things flying thru my head that I would love to write, but I see I am getting ahead of myself since I would like to keep myself as well as my family anonymous, so each post will have to be thought out, but hopefully this will be a good venting system for myself, and will be able to make some good conversations with others to be able to help each other out.