Bike 4 Chai

It`s been almost a month since Mark left. Hectic is an understatement of what`s going on in the office. I am running around like a chicken without a head. I am trying to figure out if we are busier than usual or is because we are down a guy.

One problem is tonight is Bike 4 Chai. I signed up for this a few months ago, I feel awful taking off from work now to do this. I have no choice though I signed up for this a while ago, I solicited money from so many people I can`t not do it.

The worst thing is I feel awful leaving Frum Mother for a night, the second night, tomorrow, I am for sure coming home. Tonight though is the registration, and explanation of all the rules. I have no choice but to go.

I guess I just need to be positive and do it, and hope it all works out, But leaving the family is just making me want to cancel the whole thing. I am sick to my stomach

Mark is gone

I just walked into the office and just feel like crying I don`t think I ever felt so down before for such a long time. I know I will get over this stump, but I`m not sure if I even want to.
Today is Wednesday morning July 10, 2013. I am so happy for Mark that he got his new position and he is moving on with his life. It will be a hard transition for him, missing his family and all, but it`s the right thing for him to do. That leaves just me and Totty at Regal. Totty has really been giving it his all this last few moths. We are getting some people interested in prices, but no real orders just yet. We decided to keep on plugging at it until Jan. 1, 2014 at which time we will reassess where Regal Kitchens is holding.
Do I really want to continue here, in a way I feel so burnt out. My dream is to move out of town, away fro family, get a new job, in a new field and start over. As much as I love working for my father, and with my father, I think it`s time I move on.
For now I am here trying to give it my all, but I have to do so much that I am not capable of, and that is scaring me. I have never felt this nervous or scared before. Frum mother is really being there for me, really being encouraging and helping where she can, even though for her it`s not to easy with training in new people at her office, as well, as being pregnant. I don`t hink I would be able to do it without her, No, I know I won`t be able to do it without her, her loving and caring and really being there just to give me a smile or kiss when I need it most is more than anything else I need right now. The kids beong as cute as they are. I feel bad that my temper has somewhat increased, and they feel the brunt of it. How do I fix myself? Will switching jobs help that? Or is that something I need to fix on my own.
Please Hashem help guide me in the right path, but please help that whatever it is, I am there for my family in a loving, caring, way that a father and husband should be, and I should not turn into a depressed loner, and not being able to contribute at home.
As far as Parnossah goes, I don` t want to be rich. I just want to be able to pay for tuition in full, pay my maaser, and live in a place that's big enough for the family, weather it`s renting or owning.
Until the next time, Thanks for listening to my rant.