Really deserved it this time

It seems the only time I actually end up writing here is when I am really down. As you can tell writing is not my thing, and I am definitely not doing this to become a blogger, I guess you can say this is my own personal diary, where I can write my feelings.
So this past Shabbos, we went over to my fathers house Friday night for dessert, both my Brother-in-laws were there. We got into the topic of the latest Internet Asifah, and child Molesting. It got pretty heated for me trying to explain my opinions on the matter. The next day at Sholesh Seudas our good friends the "F" family came over and the same topic came up. I totally lost it, when they could not understand how bad the child molestation issue is in the frum community, and how the leaders think that the internet is a bigger issue. I lost it so bad to the oint where I cursed in front of them, and our kids.
I really did not know what to do, I had just taken this to a whole new level I could no control myself, after driving them home Motsai Shabbos. I had a alk with the wife, I explained to her my issues, I think she somewhat agreed with me, she then dropped the bomb, that I knew was coming and definitely deserve, "SHAPE UP", I can`t take it anymore.
She wants me to go speak to someone, she wants me to start bringing some more yiddishkeit into the house, she wants for me to to put any of my rants into the kids head, or even advertise it, she get`s embarrassed.

1. Now I can`t really blame her for being upset at me that I don`t learn anymore. Don`t really have an excuse for that. I have to get my act together and figure out, what do I want to learn, and who do I want to do it with.
2. She wants me to start making the Shabbos table more shabbosdeik with zmerios and dvar torah. That`s definitely up there on mine as well, and should start doing it.
3. Not to say the things about some rabbi`s I say in front of the kids even if I say them in a nice derech eretz way. I hear and understand that, may not agree, but I know where she is coming from, and probably right anyways.
4. Not to talk about any of this stuff even with other adults. That I totally disagree with, however, I think because I am in the minority of thinking this way, and she does not like being looked at that way, I think it`s something I should listen to.
5. The wife doesn`t even want me to read any of the blogs that discuss this stuff. Now I have to admit, that doing so, would probably make number 4 harder to keep.

To top it all off, you can imagine what our relationship and communication was like since then. In theory I am ready to say okay I will do everything you want just please start talking me to again. There is no words to explain how much I love her, and how much it hurts to see her in this pain, especially since I was the culprit. I wish this whole thing never would have happened. I wish we could be happy again together. 
So here is where I am holding:

1. I have not read any of those blogs this week at all. I hope to stay that way, but I hav to admit it`s probably the biggest Yetzer Horah out of all these things.
2. I don't want to discuss these things anymore period, and that includes anything negative about Rabbis. Last night I started listening to some of the speeches form the Flatbush Asifah.
3. I want to find some sort of Shabbos book for the kids that i can read at the table so they can understand what`s going on as well.
4.  Short term the hardest thing will be figuring what to learn and with who. I don`t expect to have that worked out or at least a week or so. 

My biggest issue is how to reignite our relationship, I don't` know if she is doing this on purpose to show me how hurt she is, or she really doesn`t want anything to do with me, but I am really going out of my mind, I need her, as a family we all need each other on the same page.

The only thing I can really add is I`m sorry and hope we don`t have to go thru this again, and I am able to fulfill your wishes.